I’ve always been the kind of person who refused to let people and circumstances steal my joy. Don’t get me wrong, I get frustrated and angry about things and at people. I’ve dealt with the loss of two close people in the last five months. I’ve cried and questioned.
When I say steal my joy, I meant allowing those people and events to keep my down. To lead me to a depression where I don’t want to get out of bed, where my favorite things are unappealing, where I want to simply be left alone. I’ve experienced that in the two years since graduating college when I didn’t have any interviews lined up. When my former classmates and friends found jobs and got engaged. When I never heard back from companies.
My family kept asking about how I was and if I had been applying. I wanted to kill time with writing, but even that escaped me at times. It was an unexpected turn of post grad life that I struggled with. I never went to my doctor about it because I thought, “Hey, I’m getting out of bed most days and I’m still eating regularly. I don’t want to hurt myself either. I just hate doing the same thing day in and day out with no progress.”
It sucked, but I found joy anyway I could. My friends made me laugh. Talking to my mom about her day took my mind of off my own dismal days. Even church helped. Randomly on Twitter one day I saw a tweet discussing post graduate depression and so many others had joined the conversation talking about their own experience. It brought me comfort. I wasn’t alone.
Now, I have a plan. I’m working on grad school applications. The push to do so may have come from a loss, but it’s the beginning of the next chapter. It’s progress that’s a source of joy.